It's been a minute...I'm not really sure why. On a conscious level, I'm saying it's because I couldn't remember where I parked my blog, I haven't had time, I haven't had anything to write, etc. However, if experience and therapy have taught me anything, it's that the sub-conscious is far stronger than we give it credit. I suppose I've been away because I've been scared of what my reality is...what my truth is. That sounds melodramatic, but I suppose I'm a melodramatic type of person. I'm really trying to make this blog as uncensored as possible, but I don't know that I can. Just write whatever comes out...does my brain work that way...I'm not sure. I know that causes a great deal of frustration in my every day existence. I have great monologues and dialogues in my head all the time. For instance, the Best Buy Geek Squad has had my computer for the better part of a month - my rational self, my self that is trying to be led by God, remained calm, albeit borderline 'miffed' while dealing with the situation. However, my internal dialogue served up a heaping of...really mean spirited thoughts...that's about it. Watch out there now. God how I wish at times I could be THAT bitch. I imagine how much more freeing that might be. To say whatever is on your mind, no filter, no thought of what somebody else might think. Not necessarily with the intent to hurt someone else, but it just seems like it could do my emotional well being some good.
So today, I'm sitting in my blond boss' office, discussing a work related issue, when walks in our higher up, who begins discussing whatever it is he had to discuss. First and foremost, you have absolutely no idea what we're talking about, so what gives you the right to just walk in and interrupt...no 'excuse me', no nothing. Just your funny looking, pasty ass, walking into the midst of my space. Anyway, they proceed to discuss whatever it is they discuss, while I sit by giving my best 'interested' face (furrowed brow, nodding head, engaged posture, etc.), when the topic of a new colleague comes up - his name happens to be 'Tyrone'. When blond boss reveals his name to pasty higher-up, she says it in her best, most condescending 'black speak' - awkwardness immediately ensues, as she realizes that I'm still sitting there (got a little too comfortable Blondie). Of course I hear what she says, but I'm looking down at my paper, feigning complete ignorance about what has just occurred. Then, like a finally tuned machine, my excellent peripheral catches the awkward glance they exchange with each other followed by the glances they shoot back at my bowed head, as they try to determine whether or not I picked up on what just happened. It took all of about 5 seconds, but y'all know what I'm talking about. I felt like I was in that SNL Eddie Murphy sketch from back in the day, when he goes 'undercover' as a white person. LOL
I promise, every post will not put white people on blast...some of my best friend's are white people (that's for all the black people)... but y'all...meaning white people, can be really, really silly some times.
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